dolorous interludes.

im sitting here thinking: what have i done. i acted upon my own will, was impatient, and therefore i must pay for the price. why didnt i not just wait upon God's will for me? i heard last night vaguely of your feelings. we both do mask it up well dont we? if you hadnt yet given in to your moment of vulnerability, i would never have known, and perhaps, might almost have been all ready to move on. then again, thats what i always seem to tell myself, and it never quite works out.i wonder if you know. you know that i know? and that you know how i feel? we always had this special connection. what i feel would always somehow be what you feel too. i once trusted this so much, but ive been wavering along ever since you started being so cold and distant towards me. your heart feels differently from what you show outwardly. like me. both of us, seemingly poles apart, yet. i cannot bring myself to type: yet so entwined in spirit. its all too much. perhaps im living in my own dreams, my fantasies. my very own castle i built for myself without realising that far off, you were silently building yours too, but separately. i hardly see you around anymore, nor do i hear you so very often anymore. but in my dreams, you appear. i know it sounds so cliche, but you do. this is why after 2 years, you still mean so much. i feel very torn. so sure of how i feel, yet what i do or do not want to do is uncertain. if only you knew. if only you knew.

posted by voyeur @ 12/13/2002 01:51:00 PM