dolorous interludes.

The little thing flew by my window struggling to keep its weight up in the air. It was a shade of handsome black with a tinge of deep blue on its head; the beak was sharp, long and slightly curved. It was the prettiest thing, and the bravest soul too; it feared not my presence when i peered curiously at it.

The courage of some are not to be understated, though seemingly attenuated under certain circumstances. I listen to belle and sebastian on a sunny saturday afternoon, an activity i havent engaged in for a long while now. I toyed with the idea of a swim, but time alone at home is one opportunity i am unwilling to give up on. This afternoon, i question my faith in the unseen as well as what i may seem to know only so well. Lately, the question of my return to old roots arose. It is hardly a pleasant affair, wondering, what possible changes or implications this would mean should i take this big step. Nah, hardly a feat should i decide to pop by a sunday's sermon, no? There is no doubt that i need the invisible Hand. On solitary nights before i slip into my dreams and reflections for the day, i yearn almost for a sign, that my few utterances to Him are heard. It's strange how we ask for "wisdom" often enough. Would His wisdom be confined to that of moralistic wisdom? The sort that is governed by His Laws and Commandments? When one asks for wisdom, one seeks a sense of rightness, in being able to make the "right" decisions. But at the same time, one only knows too well how arbitrary these lines of "rightness" are. On some days, i am filled with the immense sense of responsibility and that wonderful spirit of rectitude; on others, i am disillushioned, tired, and wreckless. Oh yes, there are also the days of in-betweens. i tend to vacillate in the bands of the latter most.

Human faith is the stranger yet affair which i no longer push for a resolution nor a conclusion. We hold strong on some days, and on others, we crumble like the ruins of old fortresses. (and blame the natural elements, the wise man says)

posted by voyeur @ 3/20/2004 02:36:00 PM