dolorous interludes.

Broken Bridges.

His life story unfolds as I turn the pages of Cyril’s latest collection.
And with some of his words, I tell you mine.

-

Getting up. Harder
with each indifferent hour
I remain in bed.

The afternoon rays finally roused me from sleep and I had so much difficulty trying to open my eyes. Overnight tears seemed to have stitched them together. I was just having a nightmare. In it, I saw from the door ajar that my grandmother’s legs were wounded and bleeding, while I was being cut at the arm by someone else holding a pair of scissors. I saw two scars on my arm in my dream- they were like two straight lines that never became one.

-

But the day demands
I heave me legs off the bed-
Anchors into sea.

Words like loneliness
creep back into the spaces
between each heartbeat.


I coiled up in bed rethinking last night’s events.

Is it a choice
to linger?

What if there is
no light,

no peace?

Tempting- to throw myself out at sea and be carried along like a corpse floating on water. But why should I not wait to get onboard a cruiseship to tide me through the choppy waters while being stable and safe in there? Plenty of lifevests and emergency boats, not to mention, a clearer and more remarkable view of paradise when you no longer have to worry about safety.

But this is the level headed me speaking. But maybe, I no longer have any voice apart from the one up there. Heartbroken from last night’s incident, I toyed with the idea of suicide notes, always the easy way out.

-

A rush upwards, then to perch
at the corner of my bed, locked

out of my body to gaze back
in wonder: those eyes

once mine now clenched firmly shut;
a half-open mouth on the brink

of a word or yawn; hands lying
on either side of the body,

neither open nor closed.

But I want to come out of this stronger and better than ever, to have you realise what you just lost. And so I prayed outloud, with my hands clasped together, until I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.

-

I suppose amidst the stalemate, I was always hoping for something more. But today, I now understand what was never meant to be, and will never be.

posted by voyeur @ 9/25/2005 04:51:00 PM