dolorous interludes.

Saturday night was such great fun. i meant to write of this last night, but i was carried away by a certain something that i feel really silly about now. so Saturday night: Laser blinding lights, heart thumping music, adrenaline pumping through the veins of my being, and a certain someone who made the night all the better. -smiles- i must say that i havent attended an rj club party, and it was really quite so different, but in a good way. while talking to one of my girlfriends last night, it was concluded(at least on my part), that the rj crowd was less pretentious, more personable, and therefore more fun. or perhaps it was just my company that made it quite so wild. grin. i do still wonder how it would have been like if i went for the other party, or if i didnt go at all; my afternoon and my night were quite so contrarious, as always it is, but im so glad i went anyway!

Club parties have always struck me as something that Eliot would term "foolish habits meant only for annulling the vacancy inside all of us". perhaps so, and this is one of the reaons why i chose to go. there were of course other incentives, like a dear certain someone who made that night quite different from other nights of sweet nothings and empty talk; i often think of you as a basis for comparison somehow, and he has far exceeded that benchmark. ive talked about this before: the possibility of divorcing one's heart from physical intimacy, and my other girlfriend L says that she's so used to such a lifestyle of decadence that it is now readily possible for it to be so; i cannot yet decide if its a good or a bad thing, but it certainly makes life a tad easier and less complicated. not that it's complicated now, but there's a nagging feeling of wonder, of fantasy and of awe at such a consequence.

Perhaps i could get used to it; but no, each experience is unique and special, i'd like it to be so, and this i know not where it takes me but my heart is fluttering about as the silly simile sometimes goes, "as do butterflies to flowers". Let's see where next stop to Wonderland leads me.

posted by voyeur @ 12/01/2003 01:14:00 PM