dolorous interludes.

You leave in five days.

It has finally sunk in, and i am filled with an indescribable dread of this sense of finality. I cannot explain nor account for the numerous doubts in my mind; perhaps its how it’s always been for me- never getting what i want. I do believe in the human will, but i am a greater believer in the hands of chance, in other words, Fate. Perhaps i’m too afraid of wanting something too badly; i would be crushed if i lost eventually. Losing to the hands of chance that is.

I am going to miss so much of everything. You and i, we’ve been inseparable since we met late last December. It’s funny isn’t it, never knowing what you’re going to get. It was by a wonderful stroke of chance that we met and fell in love; might it be by this same stroke of chance that things turned otherwise? You’ve become a huge part of my life- i see you everyday, and it feels like we’re practically married. We do everything together: from things as trivial as washing our faces, eating, shopping, the movies, to bigger things like cooking, viewing cars, going on holidays, etc. the list is extensive, you would know that i’m sure. We tried to list out everything didn’t we? It came out to what, over a hundred different things we did or went together? Its amazing, this love.

“Right now, everything is turning blue… right now, i wish i could follow you, to the shores of freedom…” i’m sure you’ll know what song this verse came from aye? –smiles- where you’ll be heading, there’ll be so much to look forward to; where i am now, there’s just too much to do and let go. I can’t tell you enough how much i wish for these four years to speed away.

And maybe they will. With the amount of work i get everyday, it would not be surprising if they did.

As you pack your bags, you’ll be bringing along with you all the memories that we’ve shared through this eight months. Though seemingly short to a bystander, it’s been so fulfilling, and we’ve shared so much. The fights and tears have never hindered us from loving, and i hope the same truth applies to the distance. It’s going to be so faraway, where you are. It’s going to be so hard standing alone again; the comfort of knowing that i’ll be seeing you the next day, knowing that i’ll always have a companion to go to the movies with me, knowing that you would hold me whenever i get upset or afraid, it'll go when you go. It’s going to so difficult watching the couples walk along Orchard, going to bed knowing that i won’t be seeing you any time soon, and spending Christmas without you. Yes, i’m one to feel the festive blues. Felt it last Christmas, till you came along. –smiles-

So much of Singapore will remind me of you- Orchard, sim lim, sentosa, our favourite supper stall, the gym, pasta café, old chang kee, dover mrt, the apple store at wheelock, raffles city, subway, fort canning, the arcade, pool, ice skating at jurong east, etc. i don’t wish to list it all again. I often get carried away, and each memory tugs at my heart as i think of you leaving soon. Too soon.

Think of me sometimes while you’re there. Don’t you change too much too, i know i won’t. I love you. Do remember that, even when we quarrel. –smiles-

posted by voyeur @ 8/29/2004 08:13:00 PM