dolorous interludes.

George Eliot is one helluva remarkable woman.

i sat down to read Middlemarch after the Torts paper on wednesday, and ever since, Contract law has slipped to the Land of Laters. its been such a long time since i've accorded myself the luxury of really indulging in literature; and when i mean indulge, i dont just mean plain reading; i mean, the endless scrutiny of words, the themes, and the characters. This is what i do when this happens- i have a black pen and a ruler by the book, other of Eliot's works for thematic reference, and i switch off all noisy devices, including my background music for that matter. Then and there, i turn the pages and revel in her brilliance. It has been so delightful, and of course, as i set aside some meagre time for contract law, the disparity of my moods were rather evident and this led on to my usual course of self questioning and self doubt as to why im actually doing law. I would suppose my reasons to be of utmost importance if i should want to carry myself through these four years for a sufficiently well acknowledged degree, and so, i began the mental listing:

1. i wanted an overseas scholarship but was only offered a local one and i didnt want to do lit locally- i do feel that the surrounding environment plays a big part in my writing. for example, i feel siginicantly more inspired to write when it rains, or when i bask in glorious wide open spaces that liberates even my thoughts, imagination and feelings, hence giving way to more fluid writing.

2. i thought a "professional" degree might've been the more "practical" option.

3. i can't foresee myself getting married/settling down so i need to be financially independant, and uh, sufficiently well financed for my indulgence.

4. i can't see myself teaching my life away. a slave to kids these days? bah humbug. (kids these days'r really a pain in the ass, what happened to the good 'ole "yes teacher" days!)

5. i thought the rigorous law course might be good for my mind, which i can't and won't disagree with at this point, but what does it matter if i had all the knowledge in the world but a passionless mind?

6. i *thought* i wanted to do something more applicable and practical than fluffy dreamy feely lit. but evidently, i thought wrong.

I've always known and thought that Passion should have been at the top of my priority list; its what ive stood for all my life, and i think my joy in attending classes, and the ease of which i was kept motivated back at college, are testament enough for what rewards following your heart could bring you. Anyhow, ive got further plans (or shall i say Post-Law School plans) to pursue my dreams after these four years. Let's hope my passion doesn't die out by then, or who knows, i might even start developing a faint interest in law. (actually i do like it well enough for now, but thats just well enough; i won't settle for anything less than red hot scorching desire for now!

posted by voyeur @ 11/27/2004 02:27:00 PM