dolorous interludes.

Dont impose your moralistic views on me. Dont tell me to judge. Dont tell me to admonish those who do things "wrong" in your eyes. Dont tell me to rationalise. Dont tell me that Literature is everything false and nothing real. Dont tell me Im a wreck and that i deserve no more chances. Dont make me feel as if you were all perfect and i, perfectly imperfect.

The sickening motions of yesterday were painted by the very colours of Nature, as if on canvas ready to be framed. I was not quite the painter though. Who decided on the sequence of yesterday's events? i felt thoroughly like Michael Henchard from Mayor of Casterbridge. Life's little ironies. It seemed as if someone was mocking me, apart from him of course. Someone held a feather-nibbed pen and drew out the plans of my yesterday, as if i were in a tragic tragic plot. I thought only situations like that would exist in a chinese drama serial. i was wrong.

Ambivalence hung in the sticky cool-warm air as i entered the beautiful park. As barriers were slowly broken, seemingly melted by the warming sun as a toaster that needed just ten minutes before food could be placed on the nicely wrapped silver tray, words were exchanged and it was evident that he was to be sarcastic, grim and bitter through the rest of the conversation. The skies darkened as the mood did. It was soon to rain. As if anticipating this, we cried. As he left in anger, the Heavens broke down with me; it poured. As if it were not apparent enough, a jet black swan had to waddle by at the lake i was looking across. talk about symbols and signs. Yesterday was really quite an episode. Im not being thorough in my description here i know; i mean it to be so; im tired of talking and thinking about it. The entire scene has made its run through at least seventy times now.

If you have to remain so: unforgiving(though you claim you have, but what is forgiveness without the willingness to work things out and the openess for reconcilliation?), and firm in your new found decision, then it shall be so. i have not the power to change your will. it is only you. and only God. A certain someone told me today that God can create miracles. id like to believe that so. it certainly is reassuring. perhaps its about time i did some serious thinking. A great change is to be anticipated. Let me not be foolish now.

posted by voyeur @ 12/12/2003 06:01:00 PM