dolorous interludes.

Ennui?

i was unable to sleep last night while deep in thought about my priorities in life. Ennui sets in when i am unable to find fulfillment of any kind to make living life worthwhile, and each of us needs a driving force, something to look towards, to find that extra something that thrusts us forward continually, and perhaps a certain deep seated spiritual fulfillment. But the latter aside since that wasn't meant to be the focus of this entry. i think i've found my little engine: Love (oh im sure you weren't expecting this!). I suppose i've always known Love to be a large part of my life, but let's widen this notion of Love today. I shan't talk about passionate love, nor fluffy spirals of sweet intoxicating love. I want to talk about friendship.

This holidays which are steadily drawing to a close have been nothing short of fulfillment because of the people i've tried to meet up with, best as time allows. People who matter to me, people whose lives i want to engage and be involved in- i know talk is cheap, what more say an average of three hours a conversation every once a year- i wouldn't quite profess to have actively engaged in each one of their lives- some more than others of course, but you know, it feels really nice buliding relationships, while at the same time latching onto past memories you've shared together, little or not.

A whirlpool of a heart i am, and i like giving what i can to those who need me. especially people whom i care for most. some friendships have lasted a decade, others a quarter a decade, and some even two months- Time is no measure to how much i should love one any more or less.

i realise i sound almost benignant, but this isn't my intention. I've just been thinking alot about the people i care for deeply. And some of the friends i've met recently aren't going through the best of times. It weighs heavily on my heart and i know that as humans, where the problem lies not in others but in our hearts and sometimes thoughts, there's little i can do but to offer my love like this- i will be here if you need me. (you know who you are). Likewise, i am very thankful to those who have listened and stayed for a while, and left me a bit of their affections to hold onto when times were difficult. i love you all.

and hey you, it was really nice seeing you again- keep your chin up dear, and look towards the silver lining (which you might only see when the dark clouds have passed).

posted by voyeur @ 12/29/2004 02:39:00 AM