dolorous interludes.

been a long time since i last wrote. school's been hectic. crazy. i saw no moon tonight. no reflection of you, but i saw you in my dreams last night. i related my dream to two of my closer friends. they couldnt say much, except a nod indicating their understanding of my feelings. to you? i spoke to you briefly the other night. it felt strange. strained perhaps? but, felt also a barrier i created for myself. i know i can be more open. in speech and thoughts. but a wall erected. why? because of this secret i keep from you. perhaps you already know. i dont know. obviously wouldnt. but, everytime i speak with you, or hear your voice, it hurts so much, knowing that i cannot turn back the hands of time, knowing that i have to stick with the decision i made for myself. i keep reassuring him you know that? i keep telling him that im way over you. he's worried. you're his biggest insecurity. and you know what? he's got a reason to be. i dont tell him that of course. im hoping something will happen to turn things around. better or worse i dont know, but at least a more definite direction, in my feelings, in our paths. he loves me. i know he does. as one day goes by at a time, his firmness and resolution grows. i know i can trust him. i dont want to take him for granted, i really dont. that is why. why i try to forget you. forget myself. this other side, who seeks you, dreams of you, wants you. so bad, the dream was so real last night. i was disturbed. so very disturbed. anyway, i will be going to bed now. perhaps i'll see more of you tonight.

posted by voyeur @ 1/24/2003 11:45:00 PM