dolorous interludes.

"let there be love"? im listening to nat king cole now. i dont know. im feeling vulnerable. yesterday's church sermon broke me. i didnt want to cry. really didnt. i think the pastor was right. sometimes, just sometimes, we all need to be held. to be told that we are loved. i dont know. arent words supposed to be... empty? i dont know. dont know what i need. dont know who i am. dont know who they are. sometimes i question the existence of God. un-christianly huh? perhaps. i am only human. is He only what we create for ourselves because we need something more than what this immediate world of ours can provide? i know that these questions can never be quite adequately answered. philosophy is a loadful of crap. our minds move only in tracks. words of george elliot. how limited the human brain! i need more faith. faith in the unknown. goodness me. its so strange. the music and the ambience is so... tranquil. there are birds outside chirping. im serious. ha. its not some made up fantasy of mine. its seriously a lovely afternoon. but. this only serves to exacerbate the emptiness of my being. i dont know. i wonder sometimes if there were giants living outside of this universe, controlling our destinies. fate and destiny. you asked me the other night if i believed in it. i dont quite know. nature is beautiful. but what man has created isnt.

posted by voyeur @ 3/17/2003 02:08:00 PM