dolorous interludes.

Been a relaxing friday. Feeling quite the recluse today; perhaps its the midnight jazz, or maybe, its the grey skies and the persistent drizzle. these couple of days have been nothing short of cold showers and wintry winds, even the ravens seem to be flying south.

i want to fly south too.

i'm missing out on a large social gathering tonight: school event, the sort where ladies'r adorned in jewelled dresses and men look smart in collar shirts; where they drink champagne and where their glasses clink to group cheers sounding something like this, "to law school! to four bright years ahead! to good grades! to success and wealth!" to my well of happiness slipping away i say.

Staying home like this allows me to self indulge, to remove myself from social obligations, small talk, and more talk about work. my night shall be nothing less than good jazz and soulful reading. A quiet night of quiet stars it shall be.

posted by voyeur @ 10/22/2004 06:41:00 PM

A female acquaitance of mine just broke up with my friend. They've been dating for some four, five years now. And my friend is hurting, because she says that "she probably doesn't love him anymore" upon leaving for the states a while back. He says that he cannot understand why or how Love can just disappear, and that Love isn't supposed to be like this, far from his ideal notion of Love. or is love simply LOVE, without a strain of imperfection so that a perfect sort of love is of a non issue at all?

I think the movies and great literary romance fiction have definitely defined for some of us, what Love is. You see a man willing to die for a woman; you see a man still loving a woman so intensely even after she's told him that she's fallen deeply in love with another man; you see a woman never marrying even though the love of her life has married and is happy with children and grandchildren; you see starcrossed lovers killing themselves because of an unwillingness to be apart in death; you see that couple in Love me if you Dare choosing death together in a most perculiar manner, so that their Love may be cemented through time and ages; you see Florentino wait fifty years, nine months, and four days for Fermina just to declare his love to her once more because of her marriage to another man.... Oh we all watch and read these timeless treasures that wrench the hearts of many, inspiring wonderful and fantastical lofty dreams of what Love really is.

But is it, really? Can it?

My friend admits himself to be a hopeless romantic. i'd like to think i'm one as well, even though Time may have made me shed some midnight pearly tears. Initially, I suppose two hopeless romantics may find themselves self-inventing situations to fulfill their lofty dreams and heartful hopes. Does age matter then, or is it merely a kind of inverted U graph that all relationships journey through?

When my spiritual journey was at its peak, somewhat anyway, i remember my Pastor talking about the various kinds of Love- you know, eros, agape, etc. These different categories would influence the way relationships work out, and reach its end. In the ideal situation of holiness and Godliness, christian relationships work in a very different manner you see. The main aim here is not only to find a partner whom you feel is suitable for you in terms of chemistry and charater etc, but also what God feels is suitable for you. Non believers would never imagine how this would work out, but prayer actually does work, because our God is alive and speaks to us. My uncle for example, waited 17 years for my aunt, its a long and complicated story, really, but he thrived on God's promises to him and he waited. As always the stories of faith in God, they eventually got married after many trials and tribulations and even after marriage, experienced even more trials and tribulations such as- possible defects of having a kid that late an age, etc. but of course, all worked out, because God works miracles. Anyway, i digressed. i meant to say that the aim of a chrisitianly relationship is more so to please God and to build each other up in God's love and to glorify God through their relationship than to please each other and meet each others' whims and fancies. Its more like a three way thing that works like a triangle- God being at the top, and the two parties at the two lower ends of the triangle. Constant prayer through our light afflictions would carry us through the storms and i remember this really important part that my Pastor said- the onus lies on the two people to ensure that the Love never dies. A crucial duty, separately, is to make sure that you constantly revive your love for that person.

I just realised what a huge chunk i just wrote on Christian couples, and really, i've got tons of books on them- christian relationships. i guess, what i was driving at is that, its not easy. its... different for christian couples. it sure is. their emphasis is on constant prayer together as a couple through God and in God. Secular r'ships, are more of a meeting of each other's needs, which may get tiring through time.

Love to me, is far from ideal. Love... is such a grand thing, yes, especially Love between friends. the purest love is always one that does not demand a returned Love. Is that possible in our lifetime? i would like to think so, but i haven't yet figured that out for romantic Love. One day, things just lose its spark, and then, it plunges. when will the day come? is it like a bomb dropping event which happens just suddenly, or is it more like a feather swinging its way down gently? either way goes for different people i suppose. I don't know if many people believe in just One Love in your life, my friend apparently does. but i think, its easier to get by if perhaps one takes the view that there'r a pool of right people instead of THE ONE, but then, the next question is- do you want to just "get by" or do you want to wait for that one perfect person! what if there never is that one perfect person? -SHRUG-

For those who believe in THE ONE, but that one person has come and gone, or may never even come, i suppose there's always a second best to love and to love you back. so if you'r reading this, hang in there and let time heal the wounds and all will be anew in a bit. things always work out for the best of all, and that includes you.

posted by voyeur @ 10/19/2004 08:34:00 PM