dolorous interludes.

I received a call from the florist's today

and i thought to myself- it could only be you. Who else would take the trouble to send a bouquet of flowers especially on such a date? one year, love. one year has slipped us by and how things have changed. The flowers are very pretty- but could either of us ever be sunflowers? I read the little card with a smile, another one to add to my collection. The last one too, might i be right to assume? no, don't tell me. let Time be our guide; we can only wait and watch.

Nothing is certain these days. The affections of one, the love of another, and the devotion of the last. Its almost whimsical, much led by circumstances and our fancies. Perhaps the consistency of our affections cannot yet be pre determined (for now), but precious memories will always anchor our deepest and most heartfelt desires; only you could disturb the stable calm in the dark wells of my heart, and only you could warm the icicles that guard my vulnerable interiors.

Only You, do you remember?

An inner voice resonates in me today, and my heart soars. No aurora borealis, just you and me, in our quiet space in my mind. To one year.

posted by voyeur @ 12/31/2004 03:12:00 PM

Ennui?

i was unable to sleep last night while deep in thought about my priorities in life. Ennui sets in when i am unable to find fulfillment of any kind to make living life worthwhile, and each of us needs a driving force, something to look towards, to find that extra something that thrusts us forward continually, and perhaps a certain deep seated spiritual fulfillment. But the latter aside since that wasn't meant to be the focus of this entry. i think i've found my little engine: Love (oh im sure you weren't expecting this!). I suppose i've always known Love to be a large part of my life, but let's widen this notion of Love today. I shan't talk about passionate love, nor fluffy spirals of sweet intoxicating love. I want to talk about friendship.

This holidays which are steadily drawing to a close have been nothing short of fulfillment because of the people i've tried to meet up with, best as time allows. People who matter to me, people whose lives i want to engage and be involved in- i know talk is cheap, what more say an average of three hours a conversation every once a year- i wouldn't quite profess to have actively engaged in each one of their lives- some more than others of course, but you know, it feels really nice buliding relationships, while at the same time latching onto past memories you've shared together, little or not.

A whirlpool of a heart i am, and i like giving what i can to those who need me. especially people whom i care for most. some friendships have lasted a decade, others a quarter a decade, and some even two months- Time is no measure to how much i should love one any more or less.

i realise i sound almost benignant, but this isn't my intention. I've just been thinking alot about the people i care for deeply. And some of the friends i've met recently aren't going through the best of times. It weighs heavily on my heart and i know that as humans, where the problem lies not in others but in our hearts and sometimes thoughts, there's little i can do but to offer my love like this- i will be here if you need me. (you know who you are). Likewise, i am very thankful to those who have listened and stayed for a while, and left me a bit of their affections to hold onto when times were difficult. i love you all.

and hey you, it was really nice seeing you again- keep your chin up dear, and look towards the silver lining (which you might only see when the dark clouds have passed).

posted by voyeur @ 12/29/2004 02:39:00 AM

Three lines tonight.

1) Its not just about the right guy. Its about the right guy at the right time at the right place.

2) People come and go. Everyone has their drifters.

3) You're here talking about your relationship problems while 8000 people just died.

Three lines from three different people. I like perspectives. When i walk the valleys,especially at nights like these, all thats in my head is- you've lost everything's that important to you. But i need to be strong. for myself. I may crumble sometimes when i need to stand alone, but i can't do that everytime something goes wrong.

I'm down on my knees tonight.
"Those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength."

posted by voyeur @ 12/27/2004 01:45:00 AM

I love Christmas.

But i love the people who make Christmas especially special more. :)

Gen: for all your christmas invites to your church even though i couldn't make it, and for the christmas shopping! I love you dear, am so going to miss you when you leave for melbourne next feb. :(

Hui: for being that someone i can share everything with and be so honest with. I couldn't have made it through this first semester of law school without you.

Lorraine: for being the perfect girlfriend. :)

Eunice: for always praying for me, and for loving me the way i am. I love you dear. -hugs-

Angela: i love you babe. and i miss you SO much. the class gathering the other day wasn't the same without you.

Jiahuan: i know i can always count on you girl. smiles.

Mari: for always comforting me when im down. i love you fuzzy.

Cherie: for always listening, understanding, empathising, and for being so absolutely sweet. :)

Jon: for being the older brother i never had, and for calling from London( even though only after you called brendan :p ) i love you so much. Here's to our eleventh year, and hopefully Spain next July! :)

Kevin: for being my favourite primary school classmate. :)

Josh: for always being there. hang in there okay?

Tris: for that wonderfully sweet christmas card. :)

Itt: for always listening and for being that wonderful SNAG! looking forward to your thai meal. -winks-

Gabriel: for being my best friend. :) i love your white shorts! haha.

Yeow Kuan: for coming all the way here on christmas eve. you take care at brunei.

Tousif: for always being so encouraging. i can't wait to see you soon dear.

Nabil: for being the perfect gentleman. i think i needn't say more. smiles.

Marcus: for always making me laugh. but you know the list doesnt just stop here. :)

Leo: for calling on christmas. it was so so good to hear from you again. i've missed you. -hugs-

posted by voyeur @ 12/26/2004 03:03:00 AM