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Friday, January 14, 2005

Tamer and Hawk

I thought I was so tough,
But gentled at your hands,
Cannot be quick enough
To fly for you and show
That when I go I go
At your commands.

Even in flight above
I am no longer free:
You seeled me with your love,
I am blind to other birds?
The habit of your words
Has hooded me.

As formerly, I wheel
I hover and I twist,
But only want the feel,
In my possessive thought,
Of catcher and of caught
Upon your wrist.

You but half civilize,
Taming me in this way.
Through having only eyes
For you I fear to lose,
I lose to keep, and choose
Tamer as prey.

-Thom Gunn

posted by voyeur @ 1/14/2005 04:18:00 AM

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

You see, the harder i try to please you, the more i seem to do otherwise; there's no winning this, because i never could have won you anyway, try as i might, even at the end.

posted by voyeur @ 1/12/2005 01:46:00 AM

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

i've been feeling most distasteful ever since school started and im not sure if i can or should attribute these feelings entirely to the former subject matter. To be more exact, im suddenly filled with this profound sense of disgust towards many things and people, and as strong a word as it might be, im feeling so much of it such that all i want to do is to shut myself out from people and all things living. i realise this is why i love reading so much. the beautiful prose aside, what reading actually does is that it takes me away from my life temporarily; i traverse through centuries of verses that bring me to old england where i take on the role of the female lead. this unsettling dread that im feeling merely compounds itself over days and nights. I'm so tired. of giving. of being hung in mid air. of looking cheery when im not. of taking things in my stride. of ambiguity.

i need a drink. now. but f-,i might as well do a run.

posted by voyeur @ 1/11/2005 07:07:00 PM

Monday, January 10, 2005

To add to the light and little sleep over the past two days, i've had unpleasant dreams again. I woke feeling fatigued, and weary eyed, which definitely didn't help since today was an awfully long day and the first one at school too. (but thank you for the little something this morning, it really did make me smile.) Indifference and dissatisfaction plague my nights as i rethink the futility of everything that once used to excite me and bring me some measure of joy: I don't need pretty things, lavish prose, nor lifetime promises of perennial love. I just really really need someone to hold me now(and stay just for awhile).

posted by voyeur @ 1/10/2005 10:05:00 PM