The little girl in me resurfaces each time i fall apart. i want to run to the one who loves me, but, this strange world does not allow me to do so- the ones who love me and whom i love so dearly, are those who also hurt me the most.
I grow more afraid as i realise this. i want to run away, to disappear into a midnight mist of nothingness, to fade into the silent darkness that eats away at me everynight, i want to. but. you can't stop the heart from loving. even if you walked out on me as i weep incontrollably time and time again, i'd never stop loving you. even if you bruised my only dream of being your perfect daughter, i'd always love you. even if you never saw the goodness in me and told me that, and crushing me so completely, i'd still love you all the same.
dolorous interludes.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Friday, October 29, 2004
If I were...
a month I would be: december
a day of the week I would be: friday
a time of day I would be: midnight
a planet I would be: neptune
a sea animal I would be: whale
a direction I would be: north
a liquid I would be: water
a tree I would be: pine
a bird I would be: seagull
a plant I would be: a wildflower
a season I would be: autumn
a musical instrument, I would be: piano
an animal, I would be: wolve
a color, I would be: red
an emotion, I would be: melancholia
a vegetable, I would be: kailan
a song, I would be: late night jazz
a movie, I would be: the notebook
a book, I would be: the book of disquiet
a place, I would be: Tuscany
a material, I would be: mahogany wood
a taste, I would be: bittersweet
a scent, I would be: I don’t wear scents
a word, I would be: shadow
an object, I would be: book
a body part I would be: hands
a facial expression I would be: thoughtful
a subject in school I would be: literature
a cartoon character: -
a shape I would be: orbital
a number I would be: 9
a month I would be: december
a day of the week I would be: friday
a time of day I would be: midnight
a planet I would be: neptune
a sea animal I would be: whale
a direction I would be: north
a liquid I would be: water
a tree I would be: pine
a bird I would be: seagull
a plant I would be: a wildflower
a season I would be: autumn
a musical instrument, I would be: piano
an animal, I would be: wolve
a color, I would be: red
an emotion, I would be: melancholia
a vegetable, I would be: kailan
a song, I would be: late night jazz
a movie, I would be: the notebook
a book, I would be: the book of disquiet
a place, I would be: Tuscany
a material, I would be: mahogany wood
a taste, I would be: bittersweet
a scent, I would be: I don’t wear scents
a word, I would be: shadow
an object, I would be: book
a body part I would be: hands
a facial expression I would be: thoughtful
a subject in school I would be: literature
a cartoon character: -
a shape I would be: orbital
a number I would be: 9
Thursday, October 28, 2004
For Hui.
We never love anyone. What we love is the idea we have of someone. It's our own concept- our own selves- that we love. This is true in the whole gamut of love. In sexual love, we seek our own pleasure via another body. In non-sexual love, we seek our own pleasure via our own idea. The masturbator may be abject, but in point of fact, he's the perfect logical expression of the lover. He's the only one who doesn't feign and doesn't fool himself.
Stumbled across this lovely piece of writing that coincided very neatly and exactly my thoughts on Love. As my waking hours pass me by, i am beginning to think that Love cannot be a part of my treasure map of stars. Love does not exist, for me at least. But for you my dear girl, i sense deep within myself that you will find your Love some day, or, that Love shall find you, even as you retreat into your own little corner. Love shouldn't be exclusive, but how it eludes me, i never cease to wonder. You deserve only the best my dear, don't lose heart for now, it may come shining down on you when you least expect it.
We never love anyone. What we love is the idea we have of someone. It's our own concept- our own selves- that we love. This is true in the whole gamut of love. In sexual love, we seek our own pleasure via another body. In non-sexual love, we seek our own pleasure via our own idea. The masturbator may be abject, but in point of fact, he's the perfect logical expression of the lover. He's the only one who doesn't feign and doesn't fool himself.
Stumbled across this lovely piece of writing that coincided very neatly and exactly my thoughts on Love. As my waking hours pass me by, i am beginning to think that Love cannot be a part of my treasure map of stars. Love does not exist, for me at least. But for you my dear girl, i sense deep within myself that you will find your Love some day, or, that Love shall find you, even as you retreat into your own little corner. Love shouldn't be exclusive, but how it eludes me, i never cease to wonder. You deserve only the best my dear, don't lose heart for now, it may come shining down on you when you least expect it.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
| Enneagram Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
| Global Personality Test Results |
| Stability (37%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness (42%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Extraversion (57%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
Sunday, October 24, 2004
I miss you so so much.
Remember the time you came over and we played dominoes with my family members? I won two games in a row! Remember nights when we would play uno till the twilight hours because we just kept snapping at each other's "draw four" and the game was endless? Remember watching vcds at your place? Remember heading to the gym together, and you always dumping your wallet and towel in my bag? Remember cycling and singing together under the glorious sunshine?
We were so happy then.
Remember the time you came over and we played dominoes with my family members? I won two games in a row! Remember nights when we would play uno till the twilight hours because we just kept snapping at each other's "draw four" and the game was endless? Remember watching vcds at your place? Remember heading to the gym together, and you always dumping your wallet and towel in my bag? Remember cycling and singing together under the glorious sunshine?
We were so happy then.
::Passing Feeling::
Everything is gone but the echo of the burst of a shell
And I'm stuck waiting for a passing feeling
In the city I built up and blew to hell
I'm stuck here waiting for a passing feeling
Still I send all the time
My request for relief
Down the dead power lines
Though I'm beyond belief
In the help I require
Just to exist at all
Took a long time to stand
Just an hour to fall.
Everything is gone but the echo of the burst of a shell
And I'm stuck waiting for a passing feeling
In the city I built up and blew to hell
I'm stuck here waiting for a passing feeling
Still I send all the time
My request for relief
Down the dead power lines
Though I'm beyond belief
In the help I require
Just to exist at all
Took a long time to stand
Just an hour to fall.
If i have no other virtue, I at least have the permanent novelty of free, uninhibited sensation.
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- Finale. i'll be moving- the blog that is. i'll ema...
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