dolorous interludes.

The little thing flew by my window struggling to keep its weight up in the air. It was a shade of handsome black with a tinge of deep blue on its head; the beak was sharp, long and slightly curved. It was the prettiest thing, and the bravest soul too; it feared not my presence when i peered curiously at it.

The courage of some are not to be understated, though seemingly attenuated under certain circumstances. I listen to belle and sebastian on a sunny saturday afternoon, an activity i havent engaged in for a long while now. I toyed with the idea of a swim, but time alone at home is one opportunity i am unwilling to give up on. This afternoon, i question my faith in the unseen as well as what i may seem to know only so well. Lately, the question of my return to old roots arose. It is hardly a pleasant affair, wondering, what possible changes or implications this would mean should i take this big step. Nah, hardly a feat should i decide to pop by a sunday's sermon, no? There is no doubt that i need the invisible Hand. On solitary nights before i slip into my dreams and reflections for the day, i yearn almost for a sign, that my few utterances to Him are heard. It's strange how we ask for "wisdom" often enough. Would His wisdom be confined to that of moralistic wisdom? The sort that is governed by His Laws and Commandments? When one asks for wisdom, one seeks a sense of rightness, in being able to make the "right" decisions. But at the same time, one only knows too well how arbitrary these lines of "rightness" are. On some days, i am filled with the immense sense of responsibility and that wonderful spirit of rectitude; on others, i am disillushioned, tired, and wreckless. Oh yes, there are also the days of in-betweens. i tend to vacillate in the bands of the latter most.

Human faith is the stranger yet affair which i no longer push for a resolution nor a conclusion. We hold strong on some days, and on others, we crumble like the ruins of old fortresses. (and blame the natural elements, the wise man says)

posted by voyeur @ 3/20/2004 02:36:00 PM

The sneaky rendezvous began last night.

It started with a starry eyed romance by the fountain at half past nine; shows of affections were abundant and the cause of this was unmistakenably due to the intense longing two lovers harboured the night before and through the day. Ten o clock marked the beginning of an exciting journey that first led us to do some grocery shopping for the long night ahead of us. Heritage View was our destination for the night and there we arrived slightly past eleven. The playground was my first stop however, i could not resist a go at the swing. i felt as if i had travelled through time and back on the swing i was, at eight, gleefully holding onto the steel chains which were my only support, riding on the winds that sent giggles from my tummy outloud. He sat on a swing next to mine and there we were, clutching onto our childish dreams, coordinating our tempos so that we could swing abreast. Like pendulums we were, two hearts racing for that golden rush of joy; there was something stirringly romantic with being at a playground under the starry dark skies. "i see three stars..", "no i see four.." he insisted. And four i soon saw, and the swinging stopped. I couldnt help but be reminded of chinese drama serials; how couples always seemed to air their woes at playgrounds. No woes there were tonight however, only two eager hearts anticipating the midnight chime.

We ascended: he confidently, i, hesitantly. The night was to be ours it seemed, and with Time, all went according to plan, and Lady Luck's gracious hand was upon us. Horse whisperers we were, talking under our short breaths in the darkened room. The only light was to be the soft white light from his pretty gadget, and that carried us through the rather sleepless night. Like refugees we were, eating what snacks we had purchased earlier, hardly being able to see what was going into our ravenous stomachs. (or rather, mine.) We were soon fatigued by our answered desires and on the blue bed we lay, rather unsoundly, till eight o clock came.

The morning was glorious, though his brief absence was almost missed. Morning activity of my boy: MUD. He tells me its only because i stole our covers. "mummified", he said i was. nonetheless, i awoke, aware of the nearness of his being, and that was enough. -smiles- Morning conversation was rather muted and muffled; it consisted of mostly sounds and barely words, but those were sufficiently understandable; after all, how much effort would it take to understand the simple nuances of "i love you"? -smiles- i love this boy. a whole lot. means the world to me, he does. Its almost funny how terribly different we both are, and yet how seemingly complementary these stark contrasts are to some degree.

He loves Physics. I love Literature.
He loves spring onions. I hate spring onions.
He loves sour cream chips. I hate sour cream chips.
He loves pickles. I hate pickles.
He's the sleephead at nights. Im the sleephead in the mornings.
He squeezes the toothpaste from the middle. I squeeze them from the bottom.
He loves RnB. I love oldies and jazz.
He hates running and swimming. I love running and swimming.
He loves pool and ice skating. I can't do both (except a little bit of pool of late, no guesses why)
He hates shopping. I love shopping.
He loves modern furniture. I love rustic Victorian furniture.

i think you get the idea. Of course, we have a few of our similarities and yes, some of our differences have started to wane as we grow more alike(which is almost hilarious actually). He's starting to like English furniture he says. i tell him i've just got excellent taste. -grin- I'm still awaiting the day he starts to love shopping. heh

I digress. i meant to continue with the lovely morning. He cooked brunch. yippee. every girl's dream- a guy who cooks. He's quite a chef in my opnion, his moves are almost a natural. i can't get over the way he pours the sauces from the bottles. It's so. natural and steady. Ah there you go. another complementary difference. Im a self professed lousy chef who someday aspires to cook for my husband. =) So we eat. and he takes out his tutee's physics homework to mark. I see the equation-- I=V/R. -shudders- i ask a silly question, "what's V? Is it Velocity?" -laughs- "Nooo... it's Voltage". I can't seem to remember any of my Secondary school physics. aye. While he got busy with his marking, (which god, i SO do not miss. and he marks in purple ink!) i played on his piano.

I played a couple of amateur tunes which i couldnt help but laugh out loud because they reminded me so much of when i was a kid. You know, happy tunes. Cheery ones. These days, the only happy tunes i play are Mozart's Sonatas. the rest are angsty and wonderful stress relievers- Beethoven, Chopin, Bartok. So, he comes along and sits beside me. I insisted on a song or two and he obliged. we switched seats, and there i waited, expectantly. His fingers slid over the sleek black and ivory keys, producing a rich tone that rang in my ears thereafter. Fur Elise. It was beautiful watching him play; he owned the keys, and there he was, the musician. I could never quite picture him by the piano, and this, was my highlight of the day. I smile as that scene replays itself in my mind. Quite a spectacle, really.

And so our day ends at three in the afternoon. i'm still feeling the aftermath of a usual stayover; the lack of sleep beckons me to hasten my thoughts and complete this entry. It was a remarkable experience which i cannot tell you enough how wonderful it was- to wake up seeing your loved one cuddle beside you, exchanging slight shows of affection typical of a lazy sleepy morning; spending a day at home together with no one else to bother you, and simply, spending a day together with the hands of Love over us.

This entire episode reminds me somewhat of a midsummer's night dream. Not quite the forestry and fairies, but what a dream, and a lovely one too; one i'd like to keep with me for a long long time.

Last thing i'd like to add, today has reminded me once more of this: i feel. so. married. =)

posted by voyeur @ 3/19/2004 06:15:00 PM

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
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posted by voyeur @ 3/17/2004 03:11:00 PM