dolorous interludes.

Disenchanted thoughts

kept me from sleep as i lay awake in bed late last night. i struggled with the awareness of what i could be and what i am. I thought about all that i was, and all of menfolk's mild superficial perceptions of who i am, and was then struck by a wide eyed consciousness of what i want to achieve and want to be; an overriding stength of determinance and superfluous need for outward success and recognition for my innate abilities conquered my being and challenged what little Time i have left for success to materialise.

However, as i awoke this morning, all threads of motivation that instilled my quiet resolve faded as do all weak men who swear never to bat an eyelid at a naked woman, but eventually devour and sucuumb to bodily lust as they feed their instinctive desires. It isn't a matter of priority, nor an eventuality of what i can be but refuse to be; rather, where my heart lies prompts me not sufficiently so to achieve the full ends of yesteryear dreams and hopes. My days will pass me by and i will use them best i can till the remarkably overrated test of intelligence jolts all memory of strained remembrance; you can refuse me, but do not do me no justice by thinking that i am incapable of doing myself some good for now by being just the least, more serious and to put my seemingly trivial joyrides aside.

posted by voyeur @ 11/12/2004 05:42:00 PM

5X2 was a brilliant one.

5x2 shows five scenes from a modern marriage in reverse order: First, the divorce proceedings, then an unhappy dinner party, the birth of the couple's only son, the wedding and finally the first meeting. The effect of this is poignant, to see the slow disintegration of their relationship, evident from the intial calamity at the divorce scene, and ending in the morose shades of sunset romance. It moves the human spirit because of its clear reflection of the yearning backward glances we all give to our pasts.

But to say that this movie is simply about the cause and effect of a usual dysfunctional marriage is to undermine its beauty; what was left unsaid but conveyed through the series of scenes reflecting the undercurrent of tension and perpetual struggle to upkeep the marriage(or should i say love) was absolutely brilliant. It was so real, so subtle, and painful to watch.

The movie draws you in right from the beginning, where after their divorce was finalised, the couple (Marion and Gilles) repair to a hotel room for their final sex session that was obviously previously agreed upon. There, they struggle further; a horrible enactment of their dual, private hell.

It amazing to see how no one single event ruins a relationship, but rather, the slow and tideous process that carries seeds of destruction from a start that looked so promising insidiously tears two people away from each other. Both characters, Marion and Gilles are too human, and this really, adds to the sublime quality of this movie. A deeply impressive one without a doubt, apart from the rather fantastical scene of her making love to a stranger by the lake on her wedding night.

But that aside, this one definitely has to be added to my list of favourites.

posted by voyeur @ 11/11/2004 11:31:00 PM

I feel a rush of happiness; the vague discontentment is washed away by the pouring rain as the nightingale sings "i feel so gay in a melancholy way, that it might as well be spring...i keep wishing i were somewhere else.. walking down a strange blue street.." Rainy days and jazz always make me smile.

All i want now is a cup of hot chocolate to warm me as i plod along with work. :) Cheers darlings.

posted by voyeur @ 11/09/2004 04:02:00 PM

A heart wrenching one this is, Head in the Clouds.

I always live in the present. I don't know the future and no longer have the past. The former oppresses me at the possibility of everything, the latter as the reality of nothing. The words of Pessoa resonated in my soul as i watched another one of those that inspired in me the perfected gradeur of Love.

She was so fortunate, to be loved so immensely by a woman and a man. She reminded me once more of what it means to love passionately, to disregard worldly opinions, and to be completely consumed by Loves. Yet, underneath the bravado and her apparent zest to live only in and for the present moment, she was so afraid. of losing the two people who meant the most to her.

But if there were any thoughts at all that i carried home in my drenched and heavy heart after the show, it is this- that all great loves end in glorious tragedy; death is a mark of what it means for the portrait of passionate love to burn eternally.

posted by voyeur @ 11/07/2004 03:57:00 PM