dolorous interludes.

sharp ribbons of sunlight.

I am suddenly stripped bare of that blanket of security that used to be my only source of livelihood- it is not merely survival that I am concerned with, but to bridge what is taken for granted everyday, with notions of happiness (a state of being that I no longer subscribe to since it is often a matter of choice or will), or rather, joy, an undercurrent of soulful and spiritual energy, something that springs forth quite genuinely from within. A sudden fear grips me like that very morning when I awoke with a start and a panic in my heart; my resolve is weakened daily by his presence, and I find myself once more clinging onto threads of the past (of whatever loose ends there might be left). Nothing is certain today, and I therefore try to create my own sense of certainty within myself, yet, in certainty there always exist glimmers and portions of uncertainty that yield notions of hope, of faith, and of love. Again, I ramble on as do my thoughts, and I achieve nothing yet; my only respite of late is sleep, for it is only then where dreams lead me to a place of wild colour and of cheery childish chatter (a construct perhaps of my own consciousness, albeit sometimes inconsequential), but nonetheless momentary peace fills the unreachable nooks and crannies of my heart, a transient cure to this malady.

It is not in the adult nature to be happy indeed; we are only too aware of the carefully calculated advantages that we charge at like bulls towards the red flag; the balance beam will forever be tilted it seems.

posted by voyeur @ 4/13/2005 06:39:00 PM

Can't say this is entirely accurate, but its good fun anyhow.

Your dating personality profile: Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.

Your date match profile: Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life. Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Stylish 3. Liberal 4. Religious 5. Athletic 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Adventurous 8. Romantic 9. Practical 10. Traditional

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Religious 3. Practical 4. Adventurous 5. Stylish 6. Outgoing 7. Traditional 8. Conservative 9. Romantic 10. Athletic

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

posted by voyeur @ 4/11/2005 02:57:00 PM

Love; a journey i don't have a map for.

The sense of nothingness compels me to wish my life away; true freedom comes from loving freely, absolutely and entirely- and for this love to be received and returned in kind. The goodness of a steady heart, the absence of materialism, the fullness of simple pleasures; if only people weren’t so given to the world. Today, I am trapped in my own freedom (a false sense of it anyway) - freed from its obligations, yet unable to love any other.

posted by voyeur @ 4/10/2005 01:24:00 AM