dolorous interludes.

i bask in my security of possessing nothing.

The sense of unhappiness is so much easier to convey than that of happiness. In misery, we seem aware of our own existence, even though it may be in the form of a monstrous egotism: this pain of mine is individual, this nerve that winces belongs to me and to no other. But happiness annihilates us: we lose our identity.

And it is with this that I write tonight, something that I haven’t done for awhile because happiness is difficult to articulate; the state of contentment and mild joys have filled my days with pleasant solitude, save for those moments where I am physically singular, but not alone- a result of the occasional delightful conversations I have with various close ones. With immense spaces of time (despite the exams) for thought and reflection, my mind recalls, rather flurriedly, phantoms from the past (and perhaps there never is a past because the past so often haunts us in the midst of our present day affairs that we cannot truly confess to have sealed old photographs for good): lovers who were faithful, lovers who abandoned, lovers who renounced love for faith, amorphous lovers, and amorous lovers. Pockets of memories plague me when a familiar song plays, or when I see a bus that reminds of you, or when I indulge in a dish you used to love, or when I wear an old t-shirt of yours, or when I travel west and see your tangerine home; Singapore is simply too small for forgetting even if I tried. Yet, even in the dark of unabashed throes of agonizing anger, helpless resignation, and tearful whims, I am unable to steel my heart from Love.

I digressed. I took my eyes away from this glaring screen for a second and clarity returns, displacing hazy, misty, old thoughts that should have long been kept aside; hints of halcyon days ahead have kept me holding on to what I want for myself now- to retain this inner calm and to be mindful of the demons that exist even in the best of us. Even worldly love has transformed itself into something perhaps less exciting, less passionate, less intense, but definitely more rewarding when one strives towards that love that 1 Corinthians speaks of.

I ache for this one stable love indeed, but before I do find it, there are a couple of things I first need to do. Steadfast: word for the year.

posted by voyeur @ 4/29/2005 03:29:00 AM

I took the myers briggs personality test when i was sixteen (a test similar to this though more extensive), and the results are still the same!

INFP - the Healer You scored 0% I to E, 15% N to S, 9% F to T, and 68% J to P!

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word "Healer", which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are fascinated by the battles between good and evil, and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type. As a romantic partner, you are usually supprtive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better. Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: INFP

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on I to E You scored higher than 6% on N to S You scored higher than 5% on F to T You scored higher than 83% on J to P

Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid

posted by voyeur @ 4/27/2005 05:41:00 PM